Thursday, August 17, 2006

Return to the City of the King

The greatest flight in America: Southwest Airlines, San Diego Lindbergh Field to Las Vegas McCarron International - 45 to 65 minutes, depending on wind, zeal, and the wide-ranging and oft ignored ball bearing factor.

'Twas Tuesday eve I boarded the young colt, eyes betraying dollar sign envisioning ambition, waiting with gusto the opportunity I had long envied:

The drinking of an airplane beer.

Yes, I went with the Heineken, over several other domestic suitors, whose favor I would usually deign to attract and reward.

I jest. My real reason for such a mid-week escapade was due to matters of a more, daresay, judicious nature.

From out of the desert I journeyed, from the mountains, to the foothills..

.. to the Heart of the City of Sin, Las Vegas. That's Nevada, folks.

You see, my discriminatory tastes were needed as a judge at the Bikini Cup, an herbal tasting presented annually, courtesy of High Times Magazine. Boldly supporting Glass Art, Contemporary Tobacco Accessories, and Love for all humankind.

Not only did I get to play a very nice, unphotographed white piano, but all who attended received party bags, filled with excellent gift swag.

The contents of mine own.

Oh, what's that I hear? Where did I stay the night, you demand? Gathered masses, first, I demand thee huddle closer and hearken, nay, heed these words: The Motel Villa Roma. $35 a night. On a Tuesday. Across the street from the Stardust. Rated "One Star" by Expedia.

I rate the interior room quality at least 5.7 - 6.3 out of a straight 10. But still, a solid 6. Won't impress a girl, though.

.. but then again, that's why you're paying her $500 for the night!

(Ba dum dum CRASH!)

I jest again, Dear Reader. But I did make the Stardust Roulette Table pay my $41 Two Day Airport Parking Fee.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Sad, Sad Truth - The Dirty Lowdown.

So just what the fuck have I been doing that's been SOOO important, keeping me away from blogging these past, er, 16 days? Well, Dear Reader, I've been having..

Meetings with Remarkable Men...

.. like this man, Boz Scaggs.

To back track, one of the things I have been doing in this, the greatest of gaps, has been playing with my new computer - one of the Sony Vaio laptops, only with a Mother Fucking 17" monitor.

Yes, It fucks Mothers.

Also, because I tried to interface my I Pod with my new computer, I wiped the whole fucking thing out.

And I am one of those who loaded his ENTIRE CD collection onto his I Pod, because, well, I could, and, frankly, I'm anal like that.

Apples, Macintosh, whatever - you can all lick a dick. I'm a PC guy, always have been, longtime BBS SysOp geekness manifested through my first babe, a 386-16 MHz Bad Ass Virgin Violating Fucker of all that Receives.

Incidentally, as a grown man, that is now my currect nickname.

So, I now have 16 total songs on the Pod - down from 2200 plus - mainly consisting of Jeff Buckley's "Grace album" (just bought it for the first time, pretty fucking good), a Chris Whitley tune, Boz Scaggs, "Lowdown," and my favorite, "Lido Shuffle."

Also just downloaded Janis Joplin's "Get it While You Can," my favorite Janis performance - and basically the only one I can tolerate after listening to her greatest hits tape as an apprentice glassblower OVER and OVER since one of the girls working there liked to hear it.

Also I did some Bikram Yoga today for the first time. Shit was mad hot.

Also, I've been doing the mother fucking New York Times Sunday Crossword Puzzle..

.. From July 26.

But look how much of this mother fucker I have filled in!

I make myself get at least one clue a day. Except on those days where I don't fill in any fucking thing. It's sat bedside since the very Sunday whence twas printed. Getting "Arthur Conan Doyle" was the highpoint. "Elvis Aaron Presley" came instantly - I felt the presence (and, thusly, the prescience) of the King, and he ordained his grace through mine own pen - the ink, his lifeblood.

Also notice the top where I spelled out the word "Racoon" four different ways trying to figure out if it had two c's, one o, good christ.

Feel free to help a brother out.