Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Virgin Mary in Mayonnaise

My girlfriend once worked at a fine culinary establishment called "The Spot" in La Jolla, Ca. One day, she grabbed the ladle and started spooning out mayo, and one big blob fell off and onto the countertop. Looking down, she saw it was not an ordinary mistake, but the will of the Holy Spirit, rebirthing the sacred corpus of the Virgin Mary in earthen condiment form, a reminder of salvation for those whose holy trinity includes egg whites, vinegar, and prayer. 

The Virgin Mary of Mayonnaise appeared in the Summer of 2008, late July, in La Jolla, California. 

Monday, November 10, 2008

Everything Under the Sun

The Mars Rover sent its last transmission today, and then froze to death.

The credit markets, though the TED spread may lower, currently circulate 'round a similar toilet bowl. The "Credit Crisis" is but one thing: A Crisis of Faith.

If you think about it enough, the ideas of Money, Value, Gold, etc, have no real "worth." Picture a world in which apes and other simian beasts roamed and ruled singularly. Here's a piece of Gold. Now make me a sandwich. No. I don't want to make you a sandwich. But it's gold. I don't care. There is no "Gold Standard," or "Shit Standard." Here's a piece of shit. Make me a sandwich. A shit sandwich.

Returning to my original idea, the Dow is an extension of human faith and belief. Belief and faith in fellow man, specifically in America, has reached a critical low. You see, it's all about the show. During the administrations of Reagan and Clinton, our most profitable and powerful years, other Countries respected us. But it wasn't about what they actually did - it was all about how they looked doing it. Did they have swagger - did they look like they knew what they were doing? Undoubtedly. They had balls, Reagan and Clinton. One an actor, one a lawyer, and if done successfully, what's the fucking difference? Not too fucking much. Cult of Personality, as Corey Glover sang, and Vernon Reid rocked.

And those bastards were PRINTING MONEY like mad. I seriously doubt our economies were really that different or dependent on what they did - when in doubt they invented dollars into thin air and leveraged the future. And that's all anyone does anymore! Bailout, Stimulus Package - it's all crap! All world currencies have been debased, for the simple fact they acknowledge the dollar and refer to their own value in comparison. Worthless garbage. Everyone knows it. The whole Lipstick Pig thing. Until we all return to our fiefs and farm like peasants it's all an act of bravado and imagination that anything has tangible meaning more than it can be traded for food.

So, in conclusion, Obama has swagger and looks like he knows what he's doing. The other candidates? Not so much. Policies of each? Who cares? Who's going to placate the world long enough to keep them from calling in our debts? Barack, baby.

Besides, if they did call in those debts? We'd just cross our fingers and smile, hoping we skip the "War" phase of the collapse game and head right towards self sufficiency, a la Candide, cultivating our garden.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

"America... Fuck Yeah."