Keith Moon, Axel, Thierry Henry, Ralph, Jack, Piggy, the Pope, Grasshopper, and Minion walk into my Sunday... and out breaks Twisted Metal 8.

Bougainvillea.

Or, as we say in English, Welcome, dear reader, to the latest installment of naturalistic photography depicting the environs of yours truly, endowing thine own retinas and corneas to a cornucopia of both flora and fauna.

Truly divine, n'est ce pas?

Once did verily lurk a pumpkin beneath the bushes a gauche..












...governed by sprawling beasties. No, not this enthralling young feline..
















But this one.





And, in a shocking yet wholly unremarkable coincidence, nay, liason of concommitance, I again regale you with a photo referencing video games: I thee tell, dear reader, the tale of the following photo. T'is a tale of devastation, loss, betrayal, greed, heresy, ignominy, destruction, and, of course, Besmirchment. It is also, however, a shining beacon of hope and dignified self-expression, a solemn reminder and embodiment of True, Wholly Religious, and ultimately, Purifying Redemption.















T'is a tale of The Grid. And to tell the tale of the Grid, you must know, or be told, the tale of Twisted Metal 2.

Clink the link for a comprehensive overview, but for a brief synopsis: You have a vehicle. Your partner has a vehicle. Your mission is to go through the cities of Los Angeles, Moscow, Paris, Amazonia (fictional) New York, Antarctica (not a city) , Holland (country), and finally, Hong Kong (city-state), blowing up cars, kill or be killed. Needless to say, I have defeated this game hundreds of times - on all modes of difficulty. To understand the grid above, consider The X axis: each color represents a different character. Thumper. Axel. Grasshopper. Sweetooth. Mr. Grim. Warthog. Shadow. Mr. Slam. Spectre. Roadkill.

And the Y-Axis? The same fucking thing. The grid represents playing every combination of cars in two player mode on maximum difficulty, as played by myself and the man who was once a Golden Shower. Notice all the boxes are checked off. Damn right. Favorite character? Thumper. Favorite teammate? Axel. Minion, lord of Amazonia? My Bitch. Now and Forever.






My drink? Bud E, on the rocks, splash of Kamchatka Vodka.

















And a Michelob backer. Just a small one, though.



Lord of the Flies guy actually landed in my tree, not the cave. Who was speaking to Simon, before he ran back to camp, only to be "terminated" by "friendly fire" from Jack and the boys? We may never know.

Ah, life. It's a jungle out there.