Sunday, March 26, 2006

Take your Green Friends Bowling.. Take them Bowling.

Strange tidings have fallen over the blogosphere as of late.

I will not expand on this immediate situation, only pausing to say:

I live with this man, and he took Gumby for a good time. Being not present, I was unable to piece together an exact travelogue, but judging from the photographs, I have pieced together a brief synopsis, or, if it suit you so, a precis. For I believe, dear reader, 'twas a calculated effort on Gumby's part to break the bonds of house arrest and head outward toward his destiny. Although the aforementioned housemate thought he was taking Gumby for an evening on the town, it was perhaps He who got Taken for a Ride.

"My Green friend's commitment to Passive Resistance is but one facet of his overall spiritual excellence - I wholeheartedly approve the following."

16:15 : Frolick with the minions at local watering hole. Situate self at least two feet above the seated denizens AT ALL TIMES. Wear Orange before AND after labor day. Labor on the Sabbath. Most importantly, keep on smilin'.

17:38: Be sure to be double fistin'... and not just in your de rigeur bedroom activities with "talked about" women of the night. Raise right arm slightly higher, as if intent on busting move, at moment's notice.

"As one embodying characteristics of the above-mentioned 'talked about women of the night', and relisher of all things unsavoury, I too endorse this message."

18:01 : Act cool, yet not coy; your individual perspacacity, nay, your Propensity for relaxed yet intense moments of quietude masks your greatest asset: humility. Exude this humility; thine nature is both Green and Divine - Deny Neither, Accept Both.

19:24: Use formidable intelligence to formulate plan: Bowling.

"As one who has, on occasion, both bowled, and, of course, Loved, I too embrace the rich potentiality contained herein to propel one's inner daemon to manifest and through Project Auditing of the Highest Commitment, face the spectrum of Destiny without the Hindrance of the Reactive Mind. Read On, young pilgrim of consciousness!"

19:57 : Strap self in. You do not drive; others drive You. Relish the equanimity with which others appraise and accept this facet of thine own existence. Be chauffered and chauffeur none; to be driven by thine own angels is driving enough. Recline.

14:00 : Demand. If there is nothing in front of you, demand the minions present you with a gift, in lieu of sacrificial offerings of a personal and refined nature. Though there be not present these offerings, the power of your Demand be not powerless; Quite the Contrary. For, with the subtlest suggestion of disdain, the universe shall bring forth..

One Ball-a-Bowling!
(Ten lords a leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a milking, seven swans a swimming, six geese a laying..)


"As a harmonius union of five, we, the colorful harbringer of athletic competition and intestinal fortitude, do take thee, to have and to hold, as our lawfully wedded wife."

Four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves..

And mo...ther..fucking..Gum...beeeeeee.


Blogger Betty said...

I need to get a gumby then I would have a date for friday and saturday nights. hell yeah.

Blogger David said...

Betty, if you had yourself a Gumby, you'd have a date EVERY FREAKING NIGHT of the week.

Blogger p_is_for_payj said...

Gumby said "no strings attached", and now that dude calls me every night just to breathe and hang up.

Blogger Virgle Kent said...

If Gumby was your wingman, You'd never get cock blocked. Broads would be like "who's that fly motherfucker", then you could be like "chill girl that's my cousin".

Then ask the girl "whatcha know about that". Play the celeb angle.


Blogger David said...


I was wondering why Gumby had me dial that NYC area code so many times recently. If only he had individual fingers, perhaps an opposable thumb, he'd be holla'in' your way all hours of the day.

V to the Irgle-

Maybe if I threw gumby in a wheelchair, I could work the sympathy angle as well. The combination celebrity/hospice mojo would be undeniable.

Wait a minute.. didn't you mention something about a wheelchair recently?


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