Monday, April 10, 2006

The Big 4-0


An Ode to Forty

Yes, sayest I must,
The time has come in this man's life,
where valour stepst aside,
passing the chalice of fancy to the purloined beggar of fortune,
Misstepping naught as the precipice he doth approacheth..
.. only to call out, shrieking and thusly shirking the call of eternal night;
"Fortuna, Whore! I thee implore!
Take arms, and alms, through my memory, to find..
Those days of Shame... and Burgundy Wine."


No, I am not turning 40 - I still have six months before my third decade begins, I and I shall relish all opportunity as such in the twilight of my roaring twenties. The aforementioned big four dash oh represents my 40th Blog Posting, of which you are all currently witness.

But Dave.. You ask.. You've been blogging for nine months. If we, say, average, oh, 30 days in a month, that's.. 270 days..divided by 40 posts.. One post every 6.75 days?

You're damn right. You don't earn the title of M.V.B. without complete and utter dedication to the craft. The focus needed to maintain such a rigorous posting schedule entails many... duties. For instance, once every 6.75 days, I sit down at the computer, and I ask myself, humbly, these questions three:

David, what have you done to make the world better?
What could you do better? And Finally,
What does the world need to know, to see, to understand, and oh can you put it into blog form, that'd be swell?

And to answer these questions, I respectively state:

1. Blogged
2. Develop, Learn, and Implement Cloning Technique
3. Yes, I can put it into Blog Form.

Sure, you may end up taking a few moral shortcuts, experimenting with H.G.H., engaging in tomfoolery, tompettying, petty theft, breaking and entering, entering without breaking, and of course, breaking, leaving, coming back later to piss upon, and finally, eating a dozen apples and shitting a fruit salad uponst. On a stage with my wife, son, dog, and daughter.

What do you call this act?

We call it the aristo... Err.. No. I call it "The Formula to be elected Most Valuable Blogger." And when is a diet pill worth $158 a bottle? Not when you want to shed five to fifteen "Vanity Pounds." This is only for those who have tried, and Just Can't Seem To Lose The Weight. For People watching the Fox Soccer Channel at 11:30 PST.

But back to my undeniable, prolific intensity which has earned me such a title. I have many to thank. Mainly, the following: Michelob, Gumby, and Chicken Divan. A wise man once revealed the recipe of said Divan as: "Chicken, Broccoli, Cheese.. And some Other Stuff." I can only nod in humble accordance, and reflect on what has come to pass in these 40 postings, wherewithin my soul hath been lain before thee.

On the first post ever, you, the reader, were transported through the magic of mine own photography and verse to a world unlike the one in which you currently find yourself. Fantasy and Reality interwove into a veritable tapestry of both harmony and chaos; dualities in monotony. As an author and creator, I used this event to set the template, nay, the foundation, and establish thematic unity and harmony for this endeavor, which was to become, in time, this very 40 post full blog.

Following my birthday, We were introduced to Gumby.

Other than that, much like the recipe for Chicken Divan, there was "Some Other Stuff."

Through it all, there's been YOU. Thanks for your continued patronage - If you'd like, go right ahead, print out all these postings, staple them together, and found a religion based on the teachings contained therein. Call it a "Holy Book," drink some "Jesus Juice," smoke your "Sacred Herb,"and, defying Sammy Hagar, drive Fifty-Five. Then, obeying him, speed up or slow down. I will wholeheartedly deny having any part in such an organized spiritual community, but I will walk up and down the aisles with a wicker basket, accepting donations for the church, eerily humming "Shambala" by Three Dog Night. And it will be oh-so humid, like the court scene in A Passage to India.

3 Comments:

Blogger Virgle Kent said...

congrats on the 40, I thought I'd make a big deal about my 100th post, but that came and went like a herpes outbreak, but congrats, atleast you're pacing yourself. unlike someone I know.... me

12:12  
Blogger p_is_for_payj said...

A lot of people have lost their integrity out here in el "blogosphere".

Not you, David.

By now, a lesser man would just be posting links, or pictures of kittens in funny situations. Or links to pictures of kittens in funny situations.

Not you, David.

06:38  
Blogger David said...

Yes, Integrity in el Blogosphere is very important to someone with my level of panache.. Even Je ne sais.. Wait a minute.. There are pictures of kittens in funny situations, on the Interweb?

Are there any where they're hanging from a branch and there's a little message saying "Hang in there?"

Payj, do you think you could maybe, I don't know, provide me with a link to one? Please? That'd be great.

Virgle, it's funny, my herpes just comes... there's no "going." It's a steady, consistent outbreak. Thanks for the congrats, though. If I posted at your frequency, I'm not sure what would happen to the virgin eyes of millions of viewers across this treasured, interworld.

17:25  

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