The Best Colon Supplement in the History of Earth

Impacted feces making you long for that great release? Is there a colon cleanse on your horizon? How about in your REAR VIEW mirror? Guffaw! Clean that colon, son.

Normally, this blog has nothing to do with colons, colonics, or any of that good stuff. However, due to the title, "Death Begins in the Colon," I get many hits from people looking for better ways to help themselves achieve colon health. Even emails from old friends. So this is for them. And YOU, dear reader - even if you have no colon problems currently, what I have to say here may prove quite informative.

The Greatest Colon/Poop Enhancing Supplement Currently Available to Humankind (or T.G.C.P.E.S.C.A.t.H, as I habitually refer to it in common conversation) is none other than Dr. Schulze's Intestinal Formula #1

Feeling a bit blocked up after pizza binge? Recently quit drinking coffee, and suddenly you're carrying around some unexpelled girth? Pop a Schulze. No, pop Two!

What also works is lots of fucking beer. Especially Fat Tire, though I imagine any beer will do in large quantities. When I lived in Colorado, people swore by it's laxative properties. And it makes you gassy! Which is great - if, in fact, gassy is a state you desire.

The 52nd state, if you will.

Thank you for listening to my poop diatribe. I love poop.

And how's the sobriety going? Six Days Strong, no alcohol, small amounts of Ambien, no weed, marginal coffee intake. Even managed to fall asleep completely drug free last night - unless you count copious amounts of feta cheese, pasta, and cheesecake as drugs. Which they could be. Especially since I snorted them.

Well, not really, but in a metaphorical sense. In the Shakespearean sense. But not a Boolean sense.