Sunday, June 11, 2006

My Beer? Go Fuck Yourself.


















Pictures of my desktop - The first photograph in a highly entertaining and heartbreakingly realistic line of portraits coming to you, via this blog, every day for the next six years, until you see the horrific, breathtakingly true, painstakingly recreated (through the power of the medium of film) representation of my own life, and, particularly that of my desktop, aging and living together; a symbiosis of flesh and furniture, wood and man, till death do it's part and render us similarly unliving.

Besides this exciting new project, the greatest thing this blog has to offer simply has to be the link on the right, which happens to say "Currently on tap in the kegerator" etc.

It used to say Michelob.

Now, Original Coors.

I originally decided today that I would not drink any beer in the evening. I substituted ice cream in its stead, hoping to extinguish the alcohol cravings with the cool, soothing over and under tones of frozen dairy. Upon completion of said uberbowl, my housemate walks into the room, handing me a freshly poured beer. 'Tis a sin to refuse the simple courtesy of another, and nay be I the one to break the sacred bonds of beer giving. Throwing caution to the wind, I throw Coors on top of a bowl of ice cream in my belly.

Baccus high on his debauched, decadent ballustrade nods in knowing approval, and whispers solemnly in my ear:



"KNOCK THREE TIMES -
On the ceiling if you want me..
Twice on the pipe...
if the answer is NO...
OH MY SWEETNESS!"



Oh wait. Maybe that was Tony Orlando and Dawn.


"Hey you hip young kids, gogettin' it and making it Groovy! That's right, Tony Orlando here - Dawn too! and Three! Nothing soothes the palate after a day belting out "Candida" then cold beer and a threesome. Our beer? Black and Tans, of course.. Made with Rocky Mountain cold Original Coors.. and Dawn. And Dawn! Remember, ladies - the Tony Orlando Manwich is best served between two slices of choice Dark Rye. Heil Satan!"

7 Comments:

Blogger copyranter said...

the HSBC coffee cup is quite jarring.

06:19  
Blogger David said...

From a three month stint as a temp, doing Auto "Collections" for HSBC Auto, their high-risk loan deparment.

Our required opening line: "Your total amount due is X. Can you pay that today?"

(They would always respond "No.")

Mandatory next line: "How much can you pay today?"

08:24  
Anonymous melina said...

OMG...Tony Orlando and Dawn!

"Tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree...it's been three long years...do you still want me? (still want me!)

12:50  
Anonymous melina said...

EWWWWWW! I saw that cup too after I left my comment. What a crap job. Good thing you were a temp.

12:51  
Blogger dancing at gunpoint said...

I like you have a bottle of some pills sitting right next to the beer, Liza Minelli-style.

13:22  
Blogger Virgle Kent said...

um as dancing at gunpoint pointed out... Im a little troubled. It's been more than seven days since your last post and your last confession. Should I call poison control yet or are you cool.

SPEAK TO ME D, stay away from the light.

11:04  
Blogger dancing at gunpoint said...

what's going on with you not updating this blog? are you chained to a radiator or something?

14:41  

Post a Comment

<< Home